The Adventures of Psycho Allen
by Hitomi's Pendant swing whee
Summary: Allen goes a tad crazy and... sheesh, read it and find out! I hope it works this time -_-;


  
  
Note: In this fic Van has been replaced by Heero Yuy from Gundam, Millerna has dyed her hair brown and Hitomi is wearing a clown costume… just don't ask, but do read it… it kinda still makes sense. Thankies to Fi-Chan who gave me the original idea for the story.   
  
  
  
"Taddah!"   
Allen appeared in a puff of smoke on the deck of the Crusade and looked around at the small crowd.   
"What?! No applause? No cheers? No nothing? Hmph…"   
His eyes spotted Heero, who was casually leaning against a railing, sulking as per usual and certainly not applauding him. This made him mad. He strode over to the boy, as Dance of the Curse II started to play... dun dun DUN... drew his sword and quickly beheaded Heero.   
"Ugh... what a moody adolescent he was..." Allen muttered to himself.   
Millerna and Hitomi, who were sitting nearby, both looked up on hearing the commotion. Hitomi started to scream and then she fainted, hitting her head on the deck. Millerna stood up and wandered over to Allen, swaying her hips slightly as she tried to get his attention. She then began to preach in that sickly-sweet-goody-two-shoes kinda way.   
"Calm down, Allen. My daddy says it's only natural that--"   
But before she could finish, he turned around, swinging his sword with all his might and beheaded her too. He then watched her newly dyed brown haired head bounce about on the deck and sighed as he shook his head.   
"Millerna, Millerna…. Don't you ever learn? You've got to dye your eyebrows too if you dye your hair… I mean, I should know… do you really think I'm a natural blond?" He scoffed and snorted slightly. "I'm the symbol of perfect hair… the envy of all women… heh…" He tossed his head back, flicking his long blond hair over his shoulder. "Because I'm worth it…" Then he proceeded to give Hitomi, who has just recovered, a cheesy grin and wink.   
"Allen, why did you kill them?" She whined as she rubbed her head where she had hit it… a few small bluebirds flying around her and chirping. "They were my friends… my only friends… Apart from you Grandma," she said as she smiled and glomped the thin air next to her and then struck a pose. "How do you like my new outfit, Granny?" She twirled around in her clown costume and whispered to the air, "Millerna told me to wear it… she said it would attract Allen and Van… Wasn't that nice of her to give me some fashion tips?" She giggled as she sat back down, blushing. Then she glanced up, snapping out of her weird daydream when she noticed that Allen was looking at her in a very strange way. "Errr… yea, my point… why did you kill them?"   
Allen cleared his throat and sat down on the deck beside her, lifting her head up with his fingers under her chin as he said most sincerely, "My dear, little Hitomi… the light of my world…" He gazed into her eyes as he brought his face closer to hers and whispered in her ear as he placed his hands on her shoulders and caressed them tenderly, "How could I do this if they were around?"   
"Do what, Allen?" she whispered back as she started to tremble in anticipation of his kiss.   
He smiled, a smile that could be seen as slightly crazy, but Hitomi was blinded by love… you know, hearts in eyes yadda yadda yadda… and murmured, "This…"   
He shoved her shoulders firmly, pushing her over the side of the ship. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! "ALLLLLEEEEEEEENNNN!" She screamed as she fell to her doom…. SMASH!   
He looked over the side of the ship and sighed as he said to himself, "Ugh! Don't you ever think about mixing dots and stripes in an outfit again, Hitomi… it ruins the appearance of your complexion… insufferable people…" He flicked his long mane over his shoulder again as he got up and stomped off. "Hmph… I don't know how I work with these people sometimes; I really don't know why I put up with it…" Suddenly he broke down and started to sob. "I didn't mean to kill them…" He paused as he thought for a moment before saying, "Well, yea, I did… but anyway… Ahem…It's just they drove me to it… always needing to be rescued, all that fighting… and ALL those love affairs! Sheesh, I'm only a mere human, how the hell am I meant to keep all those women happy? It was so stressful… I mean I found a grey hair! How can I keep my reputation as the "Official Symbol of Perfect Hair" if I have grey ones?"   
In the distance the crickets chirped and the tumbleweed rolled along the deck as the wind whistled by, and everything was silent as the Crusade floated off into the distance to fight many more battles, minus three members of it's crew and with one hell of a captain.   
Shortly after these happenings, Allen suffered a nervous breakdown and was taken to the Gaea Mental Institute where he remains… or does he? Tune in next week to find out! Heh… cheesy ending, huh?   



End file.
